This is where we will collaborate on classroom issues.
A few weeks ago we talked a bit about apologies. If you haven’t read that post you can find it here. We talked about how it is important to teach children to move toward giving apologies, but not forcing them to do so.
Now that you’ve practiced that with your own kids (classroom or personal, or heck that kid at Walmart that needed a talking to), you have most likely hit the next stumbling block- how to get the “victim” to accept an apology.
Just as forcing a child to apologize doesn’t teach empathy, forcing a child to “feel better” now that they have received an apology doesn’t teach forgiveness. After having the “aggressor” attempt to make the child feel better I always ask the “victim” if they feel better. If they don’t I ask one of two questions: “What would make you feel better” or “Can I give you a hug?”. Sometimes a hug from a caring and supportive adult is all that is needed for closure. Sometimes a child needs more and giving them the freedom to express their needs gives them practice in standing up for themselves.
Forgiveness, much like empathy, is something that is learned through many modalities and over time. When children watch and see what you are doing they will repeat it. When someone bumps into you and says sorry show forgiveness. When someone spills your coffee let them know that you aren’t angry (bleh! I let them know that after I have calmed myself!). When the children see or hear you holding grudges they come to believe that is the right way to handle anger and hurt. Teach them to let it go. Remember your actions are so much more powerful than your words.
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| Two of my littles from a few years back “coloring her hair with foil like mommy”. They see what we do more than what we say. |
I am a firm believer that children need to learn to stand up for themselves without feeling like they need to “tattle” to a grown up. I want them to be able to say they don’t like what is going on around them. I want them to feel brave enough to face the “aggressors” of the world without me. Until then I am here to watch and support them.
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